In thinking about this final essay, I thought it would be best to respond to the prompts in the form of letter to myself as a learner in the past, a learner in the present, and a learner in the future. Through these letters (or rather journal entries), I will reflect on my own experiences while also drawing on course materials. In each letter I will explore my definition of an empowered learner and what about those definitions make me feel empowered. These 3 letters directly and indirectly use texts from the course in forms of direct quotes or mapping concepts onto my own thinking.
Dear Past Learner,
What was the most important thing to you in school as a learner and what made you feel empowered as a learner? For me, the most important thing was demonstrating my learning through grades. I spent a lot of time living up to my reputation of being smart and did that through maintaining my GPA. For me, this was empowering. I was very much drawn to the feeling I would get when I would see my report card and a GPA over a 4.0 because I was taking all Honors and AP classes. I would be proud of what I had accomplished in my grades and although I didn’t brag about my achievements, internally I would always be jumping for joy. I would be excited to see my hard work pay off in the form of grades. I was also drawn to the admiration from my peers and teachers for being able to manage all of my schoolwork while simultaneously being an active leader in extracurricular clubs. I was also satisfied by hearing my teachers talk about their teaching and being glad that they were able to see students excel in their classes. I think this was important to me because it seemed like my teachers felt like they were facilitating student learning and I felt like I was actually learning something. To this day I can still remember concepts from AP Biology, which was one of my favorite classes. I was always excited to go to school and as a student, I felt like I was accomplishing my goals. I think that accomplishing goals, those set by myself and those set by others, is an integral part to me feeling empowered in traditional learning spaces.
What was the goal of learning? At a young age I committed myself to being a lifelong learner. For me learning wasn’t a simple process with a distinct end. I always wanted to be actively expanding my mind and my knowledge base. At this point in time, a lifelong learner meant someone who was always learning, with learning taking place in academic settings. I have always wanted to go beyond just getting a Bachelor’s degree – I wanted to get a PhD. I felt empowered by knowing that there were steps that I could keep climbing and honors that I could keep receiving just for learning in school. I think I’ve just generally had a desire for knowing more and it seemed like I only had access to knowing more when I was in school.
Dear Present Learner,
My definition of a learner, let alone an empowered learner has changed so much since high school. Instead of being driven by grades, I have focused my attention and energy to things that are happening outside of the classroom. The significance of grades in my life has been simplified to, “Did I pass? Okay good.” In reflecting on my time at Bryn Mawr, I realized that the learning that I have done has not occurred in the classroom. I think this for two reasons, one being that I have spent more energy on being black first than being a students first (and that’s okay/natural) and two being that I no longer understand what I’m supposed to get out of my classes (especially when a lot of those classes are fillers for meeting the number of credits I need to graduate). It was difficult transitioning from being a straight A, overachieving high schooler to and average achieving, not-so-motivated college student. In high school I understood the game – I knew how to study for the tests, I knew how to write to impress my teachers, and I’m sure I actually understood the material that was presented to me – however in college, I understood the game, but I no longer felt like playing. The emphasis and external pressures placed on learning in the classroom were no longer of value to me. The learning I did outside the classroom felt more tangible and transferable to life outside of the bubble of Bryn Mawr.
When I reflect on the learning that I did outside of the classroom, I think that I switched from a damage-centered approach to a more desire-based approach. As a first year, my initial experiences with the college were centered around Perry House or rather the absence of Perry House. I spent a lot of time talking to students of shared racial and cultural backgrounds about all of the things that we didn’t have on this campus, the spaces where we felt disempowered, and the feeling of not belonging in the community at large. I learned a lot in these spaces. I learned how to advocate for myself and my peers, how to effectively build relationships with both peers and administrators, as well as about my ability to lead and facilitate important conversations. However, this learning came from a place of damage. Most of my inquiries revolved around what I didn’t have access to or where I could see my peers being at a disadvantage. While I admired folks for their bravery and their tenacity, I oftentimes still focused on the things that led them to having to be brave and tenacious rather than the people and their attributes themselves. When I look to how I approach the opportunities for learning in these spaces now, I think my focus is more desire-based. I think this approach came on naturally as I started to interact with more alumnae/i. In hearing from alums as far back as class of ‘68 and as recent as class of 2014, I began to see my experiences as well as theirs as more than the damage caused by the college. Instead my inquiries shifted to what they are doing now (as graduates of the college), their advice on healing, and asking for their oral histories. In this approach I learned about hope and community encouragement.
What is an empowered learner now? For me in this moment, and empowered learner is one who finds learning anywhere. I think this in moving beyond the classroom and getting to learn more about myself, my histories, and my present, I have become a learner who seeks to know more about the self and myself as I relate to the world. I also think that being an empowered learner is tied to vulnerability. I think having choice in how vulnerable I am as a learner is also critical to my idea of what an empowered learner is. For example in writing this letter, I speak from first person, similarly to what Tuck and Ree define as a composite narrator or combined I. In other ways, I use my vulnerability to challenge, complicate, or unlearn things that I once knew. I find this to be important to my idea of being an empowered learner because throughout my time at Bryn Mawr, there have been times and spaces where my vulnerability is forced (forced meaning I was put into a situation like the confederate flag hanging, or my vulnerability was unexpected) by an external pressure and thus leads me down a path of burnout rather than a path of learning. So when I think about myself as an empowered learner now, I think of someone who isn’t confined by the classroom and external approval of achievement.
Dear Future Learner,
At this point in time you may be working in a college setting on the side of student life. How do you hope to continue to be an empowered learner as well as provide spaces for other people to be empowered learners? Where does learning fit into your work? I think that learning is important to your work especially given your experiences in college. Whether you end up in residential life, student life, or academic advising, it is important to remember that each person you interact with has come to this place (this place being the college/university) for a different reason and will engage with it in different ways. It is also important for you to remember that while you may have some shared experiences with folks that you cannot let your experience dictate someone else’s. In other words, you should always be allowing and creating space for people to self-author their own experience. I think this is essential in creating space for people to be empowered learners or supporting folks who identify themselves as empowered learners. In creating or providing that space I think it is important for you to consider two things that are related to your own experience: 1. The spaces that you create or provide will not be the only spaces in which people will learn or feel like they can learn and 2. People may enter this space vulnerable or they may enter the space with a security lock on their person. Your job is learning how to let both (or multiple) of these start point coexist and be accepted and welcomed into spaces that you hope to create.
You also have the duty of pressing. As Crawley had said, “Yet, I must press. My colleagues must press. We all press. We cannot be comfortable. We have to figure out ways to inhabit these spaces while pressing for justice.” Pressing is more than existing but rather a continuous push towards something. Working in higher education, an area that is built on and capitalizes off of marginalized and oppressed peoples, can be complicated and conflicting but you have a duty to continue to do the work that you started in college. You also have the duty of holding yourself and your peers accountable. In doing so, you will help sustain the learning spaces that you hope to create and do so in a way that’s reflective of both the damage and the desire.
When thinking back to your learning in the past (past, present) it is important to keep the idea of being a lifelong learner in mind. You have responsibility to yourself to continue finding the places that you thrive in while learning and use those to continue the expansion of yourself into a fuller understanding of yourself. In being an empowered learner, you must continue to challenge yourself and complicate your ideas and continuing to be vulnerable with yourself as well as other people.